Today marks a new month. Our second new month since Pigaloo left this world. This month we will have her memorial. It's barely three weeks away. Technically, there isn't much for me to do before then. It's a small thing, so there isn't much to do. It also feels like there is just so much to do.
Next month will be out third month without her...next month she would've turned three.
Life has been strange without her. She's gone that's for certain. I used to look over to where she would lay and expect to see her. I don't do that anymore, I know she isn't here. I've gotten used to her being gone.
I use to explain to her neurologist that it was like she was physically present but not really here. That statement seems ever so more true now. It's sad. She isn't here anymore, but in a way, it's like she was never really here.
We took care of her, we helped her, we fed her, we held her, we bathed her and put her to bed and we loved her. It was all one sided.
The neurologist used to ask if we thought she knew who we were and I would answer no. I still don't think she knew who we were. It doesn't matter anymore, but I hope that somehow she felt loved.
Oh friend, my heart is so heavy for you. Such a complicated thing to mourn when you feel it was so one-sided. But I know she felt loved in her way, and I am certain in her own way she loved you too. I am glad to see you writing again and hope warmer spring days fill your home with a little extra warmth. xoxo
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