International ladies

We went to Canada this weekend.  For no particular reason other than an extra day off and cabin fever.  The girls had a lot of fun.  There was the excitement of sharing a hotel bed. That was probably the hardest part.  The girls would play, fight and cause trouble every night for two hours after bed.

There was a petting zoo with wallabies, kangaroos, goats, chicken, turkeys, and many more animals.  There were even momma kangaroos with joeys in their pouches.

There was a city beach with a playground.  There was hotel pool time and an indoor playground that the girls just LOVED, but I didn't take any pictures.

And finally, there was a waterfall hike to end the adventure.

Six months

It's hard to believe that yesterday it was six months since Paige left us for something better.

It was so strange.  I suspected Paige would die overnight.  Her skin color was way off, her breathing shallow.  So I was shocked when mid pajama change, I suddenly realized she didn't take a breathe.  I waited and no other breathes followed.  One minute here, the next minute not.

We quickly got Clara and Natalie up to bed, with a really fast bedtime routine.  Then we called hospice to report her death.  It took forever for the nurse to get here and even longer for the funeral home.  I finished dressing Paige, switched out her blankets because I wanted to keep the one she had and did her hair one last time.  I considered painting her nails one last time, but it seemed beyond ridiculous, so we sent her off with days old nail polish.

Sometimes it seems like just yesterday I was sitting on the couch, with Paige resting not far from me and the girls in their beds for naps.  Sometimes it seems like she was never even really here, like she was just a figment of my imagination.  Sometimes I forget she's not here anymore and wonder how she and Nathan are doing together while I shop for groceries, only to suddenly realize that she is not at home.

By the time we reach the one year anniversary of her death, our family will be five again.  It's even harder to believe that.  Natalie still visits Paige in heaven by looking at pictures of her.  Clara still recognizes and says Paige when she sees a picture.  The next child will never have met Paige, which seems terribly sad. 

I can go to school now!

Potty training went very well.  It's shocking.  My neighbor suggested I write a book about one day potty training.  I just shrug my shoulders and take what I get.  I got lucky.  At first I couldn't believe how lucky I was that it was so easy.  Basically, Clara was trained in a day, Natalie in two.  Then I got to thinking.  Outraged Brenda popped her head into my brain and shouted, the last three years have been anything but easy, YOU WERE DUE FOR EASY.  So yes, potty training was really unbelievably easy, but I've earned easy.  Thank you universe for finally giving me a break.  I really truly appreciate it.

We have had one or two accidents, but overall nothing major.  In a week or two, I will probably take pull ups away at nap time.  The girls don't pee during naps.  I could probably do it today, but better to be safe.  Natalie is consistently going to bed at night and waking up dry.  She will probably lose her night pants shortly afterwards.  Clara seems to pee at night if she wakes up angry over who knows what.  She will stay in training pants at night longer.

An unexpected hiccup is that Natalie now wants to go to preschool.  Three months ago, when I was trying to convince her to potty train, I talked about how she needed to potty to go to school.  I haven't mentioned it since.  I gave up on her potty training and figured she'd stay at home another year.  Several times a day, Natalie tells me how she needs to go to school.  Except school starts like now and all schools are filled up (of the ones I've found).  So..yeah.

What started so well

Yesterday went pretty well.  

Clara had one accident, Natalie pooped on her bed but later in the day pooped on the potty.  Overall, not too bad. 

Clara cries at night now if she pees between when we put her to bed and when she falls asleep.  We already try to have them see if they need to pee before bed.  Still trying to problem solve that one.  I've told her she can call for me and I will let her go potty.  So far she just cries out after the fact.

Today they woke up and peed in their training pants, which is fine. They were quiet and I didn't get to them on time.  Neither minded.

After that, they both peed in the potty not long after.  I got arrogant and gave them skirts with no panties.  They did pretty well. 

Until Natalie skipped a nap for the third day in a row.  I figured it hadn't been too long since she peed so I wouldn't nag her.  She's nervous on the potty and runs back and forth and back and forth.  I figured maybe if I nagged less she would be less anxious. Earlier we had worked on reading books and singing songs to keep her on for longer so maybe she would relax and pee.  Then she was caught up in making food for a toy and peed on the floor.  She managed to stop but was very upset (exaggerated because she hasn't napped). 

Then she spent a half hour on the potty.

Would not get off.  It was ridiculous.  Finally, I made her get off to go play.  I explained we would never be able to do anything fun if she wouldn't get off the potty, so she had to learn to pee without sitting on the potty all day.  She was upset.  She reluctantly moved on.  She went back a few more times and after a bit I would call her back off.  Finally she went back on and peed.

Hopefully the next potty episode is less everything.  Less anxiety ridden.  Less prolonged.  Less whatever you want to call it.

Potty training days

A few weeks ago, I decided on a whim to see if Clara would poop in the potty.  She was so obvious about pooping, it was really easy to just grab her and throw her on the potty.  The first time she cried, so we didn't do it again.  Then last week I decided to try again, she was down with it and in three days she was asking to change before she started to poop.  I tried to convince Natalie she should do this too, she didn't want to.

Then over the weekend, I decided, enough was enough, I know Natalie knows when she's going to the bathroom. I know she can do it, she just doesn't want to.  So I took away her training pants.  She just kept peeing her pants.  So I took away all pants and underwear and training pants from both girls.

Natalie did ok after that, she'd dribble a little on the flor and run to the bathroom and after several on and offs she eventually would pee on the potty.  Natalie goes on so much and Clara excitedly chases her that so far we mostly get lucky and Clara pees too.

Yesterday, Clara had one accident and Natalie had teeny tiny close calls but mostly peed on the potty.

Today is day two of naked.  Clara so far peed on the potty and after a half an hour of back and forth, Natalie finally went.  Hopefully things keep going this well and hopefully Natalie can cut down the back and forth some by learning to relax a little.   I will have them naked from the waist down for several more days.  I might then upgrade them to skirts only for another week.

But for now, we are ladies who don't leave the house so we can learn to use the bathroom.

It's strange really to be training them both at the same time.  It's something I originally imagined for Paige and Natalie, but I ended waiting so long for Natalie that Clara just so happens to maybe be able to do it too.

In my defense, I did start training Natalie about six months ago, she was not too excited but would humor me.  I stopped because Paige kept getting sick and would be up all night vomiting, which meant I was up to make sure she was ok and potty training and no patience just done mix.  I think that start and stop initially made this new attempt harder with Natalie, she simply did not want to.  Hopefully, we are moving past that now.

Bedtime tantrums

Every single night.

For months.

Will it ever end?

Clara throws fits at bedtime.  It's anoying.  Frustrating.  Blood pressure raising.  And apparently unavoidable.

I've ignored her.  I've given into her demands.  I've taken crib toys as punishment.  I've reasoned.  I've ignored for five minutes, then ten, then fifteen.  I've refused to come up to her and loudly blew kisses from down below.  I've met her at the gate so she could see me but not cuddle me.  I've let her take three hour naps.  I've let her enjoy one hour naps at her choosing.  I let her sleep in if she likes.  I allow her to leave her bed and play if she wants.  I've attempted to have running sessions outdoor after nap time to wear her out for bed.  I've increased the length of our bedtime routine.  I've cut down the length of our routine.

It doesn't matter what I try.  Every single night, sometimes for an hour or two.  Clara cries off and on until eventually she goes to bed.

Her newest thing is she wants tucked in.  Simple enough.  Except she up tucks herself within a minute.  Then she wants you to tuck her in again when she gets the urge.  Then she repeats, over and over and over again.  Last night she woke up at three in the morning, shouting TUCK IN!!!!  TUCK IN!!!!

It's maddening.  I often remind myself, eventually this will pass.  So far, it has not.

Two girls at the beach